It is a particularly trying day when—
—The string on my pretty new blue bead necklace breaks.
—My computer will not update.
—I didn’t sleep all night because I’m worried about a writing project.
—I’m out of milk for my tea. (Never mind milk, the fridge is empty.)
—And nobody cares what I think of semicolons except maybe Kurt Vonnegut.
Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.
Besides the semicolons, there are the redundant adjectives, the poorly used past progressive and the misplaced modifiers. On this kind of day, I am reminded of the Principal’s Song and I can go to the garden to eat worms.
The Principal’s Song (aka Nobody Likes Me)
Nobody likes me,
everybody hates me,
I’m going to the garden to eat worms.
Long thin slimy ones,
short fat fuzzy ones,
ooey gooey gooey gooey worms.
The long thin slimy ones
slip down easily.
The short fat fuzzy ones
When the short fat fuzzy ones
Stick to your teeth,
Your blood goes
So you bite off their heads
and spit out their tails
and throw the skins away.
And nobody knows
how I can survive
on a hundred worms a day!
Besides eating worms, I can toss my tangled mess of a fairy garden and start over.
This involves going to the Sunnyside Greenhouse. Here, I can walk around, calmly watch the Koi in the pond, talk to the parrot, take in the greenery and the ideas. After that I can bring home some new fairy garden plants.
A quick stop at Starbucks on the way home for an iced coffee and my mood is already lifting.
What works for you on a particularly trying day? Have you planted a fairy garden recently? Do you think iced coffees help put the world in perspective? Are you annoyed by semicolons?